she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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