At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
