I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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