Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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