We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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