the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
