Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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