every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
