My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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