I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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