Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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