I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
