A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
