Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
