I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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