I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
