They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize