Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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