If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
