Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
