Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
