its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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