I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
