Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
