still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
