sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
