a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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