Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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