i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
