The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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