Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
