i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
