Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
