You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
40s are totally the cure
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
