Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
