You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize