worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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