If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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