She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
