He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry my hands just texted you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
