So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
