i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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