what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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