i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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