If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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