my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
