Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You can't special order awesome
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
