God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
