well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We need to get me chipped asap
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
