Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
