just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
