Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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