can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize