it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
