I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
