Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
