she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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