how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
