I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
