U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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