He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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