is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
